


Like Them

by Lillio



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Asrian, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, NSFW, Shapeshifting, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15041036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillio/pseuds/Lillio
Summary: “Ilya... will you let me be selfish?” he murmured, quiet, and spoken as if in a dream.“I… Of course. Anything you need.” Julian responded without thinking. Asra didn’t look at him.“I want to kiss them one last time.”Julian’s eyes widened, uncomprehending. “That’s…um. Asra, I’m not sure how I could... I’m not...” he stumbled over his words.Asra shook his head. “I know.” he said. “I know. It would only be an illusion. But I’d like... please, Ilya. Will you do this for me?” he asked, his violet eyes wide and tinged with red.





	Like Them

Julian found Asra sitting under the cover of a large tree. The rain was pouring down around them in sheets, and Julian’s jacket was near soaked through from being held over his head like a makeshift umbrella. Droplets of rain fell through the spaces in the leaves, dappling the bare ground with darker specks of moist earth. Every so often, the raindrops hit Asra’s bowed head, seeming to go entirely unnoticed by the magician. His white hair was plastered to his forehead, and he didn’t so much as look up when Julian parted the long branches to enter the tree’s cover. 

“Asra?” he asked, his voice soft against the pounding of the rain. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Asra lifted his head slowly. “Hello, Ilya.” he murmured. He ran a hand up over his eyes and pushed his wet hair back on his forehead. There were no tears, but it was obvious he’d been crying.

Julian frowned, stepping closer. Receiving no objections, he folded to sit beside Asra against the base of the tree. He pulled his legs up against his chest, looking out at the torrent of rain through the leaf cover. He wanted to wrap his arms around his shivering companion, to pull him into his chest and put his coat over him to warm him. But the way he held himself was stiff and closed-off, and Julian knew that such contact would not be welcomed. 

“What can I do?” he asked, his voice careful. 

There was a long moment of silence and then: “Nothing. There’s nothing anyone can do, now that they’re gone.”

Asra had turned away from him, running his fingers over a word carved deep into the weeping base of the tree. His hands were shaking, tracing over it almost incessantly. Julian shifted to follow his gaze. Upon closer inspection it was not a word but rather a name. Someone important to Asra. Someone gone.

“I’m sorry.” Julian said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. It was obvious that this was all he had left of them, whoever they were. 

Julian reached out for Asra’s hand cautiously. To his surprise, Asra let him take it. At the contact, the tension seemed to melt from his shoulders and the shivering magician slumped forward into him. Julian held him, intertwining their fingers, even if Asra’s were sticky with sap. 

“Let me take you inside, Asra.” Julian said, holding him by the shoulders. Asra shook his head, his hair dripping with the movement. The rivulets that streamed down over his forehead clung to his white eyelashes, and when he looked up at Julian it almost broke his heart. The doctor gently laid his palm against his cold cheek and Asra closed his eyes.

“Ilya... will you let me be selfish?” he murmured, quiet, and spoken as if in a dream. 

“I… Of course. Anything you need.” Julian responded without thinking. Asra didn’t look at him. 

“I want to kiss them one last time.” 

Julian’s eyes widened, uncomprehending. “That’s…um. Asra, I’m not sure how I could... I’m not...” he stumbled over his words. 

Asra shook his head. “I know.” he said. “I know. It would only be an illusion. But I’d like... please, Ilya. Will you do this for me?” he asked, his violet eyes wide and tinged with red.

Julian swallowed hard, but he already knew his answer, whatever it was Asra wanted to do. “Alright.” he said.

He couldn’t tell if Asra had begun crying again because his trembling hands were on his jaw and he was kissing him. Julian closed his eyes, preoccupied by the feeling of Asra’s mouth on his, and after a moment there was a crack, as if something had been broken over him. He could feel Asra’s magic around him like water, and he knew it had been done.

The magician broke off the kiss abruptly. He drew back from him and seemed to be holding his breath. Julian didn’t ask what he looked like. He didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to ruin this moment for Asra, who pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.

Julian wrapped his arms around him too, and when Asra pulled him in for another kiss he thought he would suffocate. Finally the magician broke away laughing, and his head fell to rest against Julian’s shoulder. Julian stroked a hand through his hair.

He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, and yet: “Asra.” he said, in a voice that was not his own. “You’re going to freeze out here.” The sound of his name in this voice seemed to catch his attention, and Asra looked up at him again, his eyes dancing with something unreadable. “Say it again.” the magician demanded.

“Asra.” he repeated for him. “You’re going to—“ Asra leaned in, cutting him off with an urgent kiss. His hands were on Asra’s shoulders then, and he could feel the heat of his skin radiating through the clinging wet fabric. Asra’s hands skirted over his chest, picking apart the topmost few buttons to follow the line of his pulse further down. Asra’s fingers hovered just over his heart, and he leaned down to kiss the skin there, reverent. In little time at all, Asra was stripping him from his wet shirt entirely. 

It was freezing out, and Julian had to press in close to share Asra’s warmth. His breath was a fog when he gasped out the magician’s name, arching back into the bark of the tree. “I missed you. I missed you so much.” Asra was murmuring, carding a hand through his hair delicately. If he was hesitant at first, he had no reservations now. The name of Asra’s dead lover dropped from his lips almost on every other breath. 

Julian took Asra’s cold hands between his own, and leaned in to breathe a puff of warm air over them. Asra smiled at him then, brilliant and fond. It was like no smile Julian had ever received from him before, and he felt his chest tighten. Whatever Asra and his lover had, he couldn’t help but envy. 

Asra leaned in and kissed him again, his hands going to Julian’s trousers. Julian didn’t need to stop to consider whether or not he wanted to continue on. With Asra, the answer was almost always yes. He propped himself up, lifting his hips so that Asra could more easily slide the wet fabric down his legs. 

He groaned when Asra touched him, the heat of his skin a needed distraction from the cold. He was tugging Asra’s pants around his hips almost instinctively, and the magician grinned at him wickedly. Asra pressed his fingers against the seam of Julian’s lips and he opened obediently. He wrapped his lips around them and sucked, watching the way Asra’s eyes seemed to map his every movement. 

After a moment Asra pulled back, seeming satisfied. He leaned in to kiss Julian again, his hand snaking around his hips and then lower. Julian couldn’t help but gasp, his lips falling open against Asra’s at the feeling of the magician’s fingers pressing into him. 

Asra was careful, slower now than he usually was with him. His mouth was tender on his, all soft lips and tongue rather than the clash and sting of teeth. Julian wondered at this change for a moment before it hit him. Julian liked it to hurt, but whoever he was now did not. Asra was gentle with them almost instinctively. 

An insidious part of him wondered if that was why Asra slept with him in the first place: because of how different the two of them were. He didn’t have to be reminded of them when he was with Julian. He didn’t have to feel anything. 

The thought made his chest feel tight, made his throat close as if he was choking. It was painful, and Gods help him, but he liked that too. 

Julian shifted a hand down to Asra’s lap, and his touch made Asra shiver, his violet eyes flashing open with a flutter of thick white eyelashes. Luckily for them, Julian came prepared with a vial of oil for emergencies. Asra watched him hungrily as he slicked his hand with it. It was cool against his skin, and against Asra’s heated flesh it must have felt even more so. Asra couldn’t help but groan. He was already half hard, and Julian’s jerking strokes quickly had the magician rolling his hips to meet him, his breath labored and thighs shaking with the exertion.

Asra kissed him harder, his hands moving to Julian’s hips. Julian, following his lead, rose up on his knees, still straddling his thighs, and shifted in closer. Asra’s whole body seemed tense with anticipation, but the hands on his hips were gentle and rubbed patient, soothing circles over his sides. 

Julian’s whole body seemed to stiffen as he pressed himself down, his teeth gritting as his jaw tightened involuntarily. Out of practice, it seemed. He groaned when Asra’s hands on his hips stopped his progress. “Careful.” Asra said. “Take your time.” 

Part of Julian wanted to tell Asra that he wasn’t so fragile, that a bit of rough treatment had never broken him before. But another part of him liked this new Asra. 

The soothing fingers that moved over his skin made his eyes flicker shut. He leaned in to brush his lips against Asra’s. The magician responded easily, just as slow and gentle as before. When he finally turned his head to break their kiss, he pressed his lips to the corner of Asra’s mouth. 

“I’m alright now.” he said. “Move Asra, please.” The words came out more desperate than he intended them, his voice a low gravel. His tone seemed to spark something in Asra, who rolled his hips up to meet Julian, grip tightening on his sides. Julian moved against him, his hands on Asra’s shoulders for support. Asra pressed his lips to his throat, his chest, and seemingly anywhere he could reach, his kisses punctuated by soft, periodic gasps.

Asra’s tan skin was flushed and he looked up at him through those beautiful white eyelashes, his amethyst pupils blown almost black. The muscles of abdomen rippled with his every movement, and when he tossed his head back against the bark of the tree, Julian could see his adam’s apple bob against his throat. He was stunningly beautiful. 

The way he moved within him was fantastic, his hips bucking up to meet Julian’s, hands tight around his hips, pulling him down. There was a lovely aching fullness, and the brief flashes of something more intense when he moved just right. He was painfully close. Asra seemed to have the same realization. Without needing to be told, he took Julian’s cock in his hand to stroke him in time with their frenzied movements. “Oh, Gods. Yes.” he managed to choke out, “Asra, I—“ 

He pressed his eyes shut, his lips falling open as the pressure that had built up within him was suddenly released in a what felt like a starburst of aching heat. The muscles of his thighs spasmed, and he couldn’t help but groan, curling his fingers into Asra’s lovely white hair. 

His body felt warm, weightless, and his breathing came in ragged gasps. Asra followed shortly behind him, his grip on Julian’s hips bruising. Julian carded a hand through Asra’s still damp hair, leaning in to press his lips to the top of his head. 

Asra helped him to shift off of his lap, his legs now weak and unsteady. He cleaned the two of them up as much as he could, his magic washing over them like a steady tide. The doctor couldn’t help but close his eyes, slumping back against the tree bonelessly. 

Asra helped him back into his clothes, which were still damp and difficult to pull on, but at least provided some insulation from the cold. Once they were redressed, he leaned into him, his cheek against Julian’s shoulder. 

Julian closed his eyes and allowed himself to pull Asra just a bit closer so that the magician was resting against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat seemed to calm Asra, whose eyes fell closed as well. Julian sat in silence for a long while, just listening to his breathing and watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest as it slowed. 

Once he was asleep, Julian laid his jacket over him to keep off the rain and carried him inside. If the movement woke Asra, he didn’t show any sign of it. 

Asra looked impossibly fragile like this, soaked to the bone and limp with sleep. Maybe it was the doctor in him, or worse still the hopeless romantic, but he couldn’t help but want to take care of him.  
Julian set the magician carefully down on his bed and went to fetch him a pair of dry clothes. 

When he returned, however, he found Asra sitting up and watching him. There was something odd in his eyes, and when Julian caught a look at himself in the mirror he could see why. The glamour had fallen. Julian bit his lip, suddenly self-conscious.

“I brought you these.” he said to break the silence, setting the clothes at the end of the bed. “...I didn’t want you getting pneumonia on my watch.” he added with a flimsy smile. “You ought to change. Doctor’s orders.” 

Asra just nodded, his eyes not quite meeting Julian’s. 

Ah. So it was like that. 

“Right, well. Goodnight, Asra.” He said after a long moment, realizing that there was nothing more to say. He turned to go.

“Ilya.” Asra said suddenly, and the sound of his name, of that name, startled him. Julian turned to look at him.

“Hm?” he asked, his body rigid with tension, braced to hear something that could only be painful.

There was a long pause, and then: “I’m sorry.” He was looking at him now, tired violet eyes searching for something. 

Julian’s eyes went wide. “Oh. No, that’s… You don’t have to be sorry.”

“I said you could have all of me. If this is what you want…if it’s what helps, then I don’t mind.”

Asra shook his head. “Come here.” He said, pushing the blankets off of his knees to swing his bare feet onto the floor. His arms were outstretched, and Julian moved into them without thinking, his own winding around Asra, pulling him tight against him.

“Thank you.” Asra murmured into the fabric of his shirt. “I know that was unfair of me to ask.” Asra’s face was pressed into his stomach, his expression hidden completely. 

Julian’s lips fell open but he couldn’t seem to force out any words. Truth be told, he didn’t know what to say to that. Asra was rarely so candid. It was easier when he danced around the subject. 

Julian just shifted a hand into his hair, combing through it softly. “Asra I…” He trailed off. Asra’s hands curled into his shirt, wrinkling the fabric, and he shifted back to look at him. 

“Would you stay here with me tonight?” The magician asked suddenly, his voice serious. Julian gaped at him. 

“Please, Ilya. Let me make it up to you.” he said. Julian’s heart beat fast, and the tightness in his chest threatened to cut off his breathing. He ran a hand gently over the curve of Asra’s jaw, considering the offer. 

“No.” he said, after a moment. “I...don’t get me wrong, Asra. I want to. I want you. But I don’t want this because you feel guilty.” 

Asra’s eyes dropped away from his. “I want to love you, Ilya.” he said, his hands still firm in Julian’s shirt. But the unspoken message was clear.

“I know.” Julian said, his heart heavy. He thought back to the name carved into the base of the trunk, how it sat alone in the cold now, still weeping sap. “It’s alright.” he said, hands moving to cover Asra’s. The magician’s gaze fell, but he nodded, apparently accepting Julian’s decision. He didn’t fight him when Julian released his hands, stepping away. 

“Goodnight, Asra.” Julian said, and he turned to go. 

He didn’t look back, wouldn’t let himself. But once he had shut the door behind himself, he pressed his back to the wall, leaning heavily against it. 

Julian ran his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes tiredly.


End file.
